If you stumbled this morning

Sorry to the poor bloke I tripped up this morning.
I was just making my usual stride, I'm not sure whether the guy changed direction suddenly or I just wasn't being as observent as usual but I managed to kick the guys feet (yes both of them!) with both of mine by just walking normally.

Cow Dung Breath

So I got on the 149 to London Bridge today and had to stand initially but at the next stop and old gentleman who'd been chatting to a 'lady' to the next of him.
I took the opportunity to get out of the aisle and took the gentlman's seat as he got off.
As the bus pulled away I was aware of the woman saying something to me (but had my walkman on). She said something about "bendy" I'm assuming she was talking about something to do with the bus but not really one to talk to people on the bus and having my walkman on I did my best impression of not being able to here her.

As the journey went on it became very clear that the 'lady' was 1/.a few bananas short of a bunch 2/.had breeath than smelt like she'd been eating cow pats all day long.
It was seriously eye wateringly bad! I very nearly started dry heaving on the bus at one point.

I guess I could have offered her a mint but then I might have been forced into a conversation with the nutter and what if she refused the mint and still insisted on trying to hold a conversation with me??

Hands in front of mouths people!

Well today I sat on the number 35 bus idly reading my paper whilst trying not to inpose to much on either the guy sitting on the left of me or on the aisle.
Within minutes of sitting down the guy behind me coughed.
"So what?" you may say.. well what if I told you that he coughed without covering his mouth and I felt it (quite powerfully) against the bare skin of the back of my neck!!!
NASTY!
I was then nearly knocked over as the bus go close to Liverpool street by the guy next to me who'd dozed off and woken up thinking he was going to miss the stop. He wasn't going to miss the stop.... the dozen or so other people all standing up on the stairs and top desk should have tipped him off to this!
To top of the journey and I went down the stairs to get off at my stop I grabbed hold of the railing, for bus drivers don't seem to understand progressive braking (or accelerating for that matter), and the railing was greasy... I mean really greasy.... what the hell???

Fart Breath

So I got on my usual crowded train from London Bridge and managed to secure myself some space (which as a claustrophobic) is invaluable.
This enormously tall guy was standing next to my happily chatting away on his phone.
Now at this point and for a good few minutes he was facing away from my whilst he was on the phone. Then however, he turned to face my direction whilst chatting away on his phone and I caught a whiff of the most horrible breath!!!
I was half thinking about offering him a mint that I knew I had in my bag (I keep them handy in case I think my breath is likely to offend any other commuters) but felt that he might think a/.me strange b/.that I deserve a slap for suggesting in front of a carriage of people that his breath smelt bad (even though, let's face it, everyone already knew!).

I decided to take one of these mints myself, being that they are knock your socks of strong, in the hope that the smell and taste of it might be powerful enough to stop me having to smell that guys breath the whole journey.

Fortunately the wondrous Wrigley's Extra Mints (peppermint) are strong enough to do the job leaving only the occasional faint odour of the guys fart breath.

Good job he got off after a few stops though because at the ferocious rate that I was tumbling the mint around my mouth it wouldn't have lasted long and it turned out to be my only one.

Welcome

You may wonder what flavour of blog this will be... well I'll tell you.
At least once a week on my journey to work and/or back odd people do odd things.
I end up telling my co-workers of such things but thought I should blog them for the pleasure and disgust of the world.

I hope it brings some laughs and screams along the way.